I was shown the door because I asked questions.
[This was originally written by me at Pathways Online: A Discussion Forum for Christians, on July 7, 2005. Someone recently contacted me to offer their support, and I thought it might be a good idea to post this here for those who read this blog and may not be fully aware of my excommunication from the Watchtower organization for asking questions that I was not supposed to ask once I had officially joined the ranks of Jehovah's Witnesses.]
Christian greetings everyone,
After giving it much prayerful consideration, I decided to go ahead and make what I believe is a very important announcement. What follows is all relevant to my announcement, and I ask that you bear with me as I type this out. Once I am finished, I will unlock the topic so that those who feel they would like to respond will be able to do so. I appreciate your patience in this matter.
Now, as some of you already know–because you have known me through the years–I have always endeavored to make my spiritual journey transparent, in that a public record would be kept of my progress as well as my failures through the years, so others could either learn from my mistakes or find some small measure of encouragement in the example I wanted to set in trying to be Christian.
From the beginning, I have always made every effort to never hide my identity, mostly because I believe that I have never said anything about which to be ashamed. I have always tried very hard to speak openly, honestly, and with respect. And, apart from a brief period in 1998 when I was working through my feelings of anger and a sense of betrayal at the Society, I believe that I have managed a small measure of my goal in retaining honorable discussion of scriptural matters.
As a person who was blessed by Jehovah with the gift of writing, I began to write “articles” with my questions and resulting findings, and shared those articles with the online community–not with the conviction that I “had the truth,” but so that others could put what I wrote to the test just as a scientist would be able to replicate a test and see if the same results would take place. Sometimes what I wrote held up–other times it didn’t, and I would have to go back to the “drawing board.” My intent has always been to establish what we are to believe as Christians today, irregardless of what religions and Christian groups tell us we ought to believe. Having had my trust towards the Society turned upside down, I decided that I would never again believe any teaching if I could not prove that teaching directly from the scriptures with the aid of a Watchtower magazine or any other publication published by the Society. I would never again hold to a teaching that I could not personally explain to someone else using exclusively the Bible.
As I mentioned, my articles started appearing online and began to cover areas that are considered “sacred” to most Witnesses. Most will even go so far as to say that these “taboo” areas are fundamental teachings that help separate us from any and all other Christian groups. I went back and re-examined the Society’s teachings on such subjects as “the faithful and discreet slave,” “1914,” the intent and purpose of the Memorial, including who is expected to partake. In each case, I approached the subject as logically as possible, by using the information available at the time that a given teaching was established, and then from there setting about recreating the conditions that allegedly led to that teaching being instituted. I was unable in each of the above subjects to arrive at the same answer as the Society claimed to. And, I “published” my own findings on the internet so that my testing methods could be examined, scrutinized, and find whether I was missing something.
The fact is, I have always invited examination of everything I have ever written about the Bible. And, on a few key subjects, I tried to bring my findings to the attention of my elders–with the hopes that they would sit down with me and go through my own findings with me and see what they came up with. Instead, it was decided that I needed to study more of the Society’s literature–that this would remedy my “doubts.”
There has never been a single instance when the elders sat with me and discussed my findings, to test them out and see if perhaps I was correct. To date, there has been no such attempt on the part of the elders.
I continued to “publish” my findings online, with the original intent: have my findings tested to see if they held up. And, although I was posting on internet message boards by this time, I found them seriously lacking in balance and in a serious desire to get to the heart of the matter where the scriptures were concerned. Most were either entirely anti-Witness or they were entirely pro-Witness. Neither allowed for much worthwhile discussion. I decided that I would try to fill that void–and Pathways-Online was brought online.
And even though I have worked long, hard hours to ensure that Pathways essentially caters to a pro-Witness view, those who were less favorably disposed towards Witnesses were allowed to participate so long as said participation was respectful and mature. Name-calling, personal attacks, insinuated or veiled threats were forbidden. I felt that it was important to allow open discussion on all aspects of Witness faith and belief, for the same reason that I felt compelled to write and then share my “articles.” And, with the proper handling, all such discussions would prove both interesting and educational for everyone involved.
Pathways had remarkable appeal to those who found it. I will always feel like I was blessed at such responsiveness from everyone. Most of those who were here in our beginnings have since moved on for one reason or another. A few have, at times, returned. And some have never left.
Perhaps one of the reasons for this is because Pathways was never meant as a destination. It was, instead, to serve as an oasis, to offer refreshment and fellowship in a way that not very many boards have been able to duplicate where Witnesses are concerned–or even non-Witnesses, for that matter. Here, the individual is the one that matters, and the moment that they arrive they are accepted as a welcome addition to our group of contributors. Obviously there have been those who came through who needed to be banned–whether temporarily in some cases or permanently in other cases. Among those who have been consistently banned are those who claim to be a messiah, or those who engage in prophetic proclamations–especially those who insist on setting dates for certain things to occur. While it is not my place to judge Trinitarians, neither is Pathways the proper place for them.
In any event, Pathways was born of a need for individuals such as myself to have a medium where we could actively exchange thoughts and ideas about the scriptures in light of the Society’s teachings–without the overshadowing fear of being shunned or disfellowshipped as apostates for the same discussion if it took place in a Kingdom Hall or with the congregational elders.
Then, around September of 2002, I joined a fellow Witness in a new task. I offered my webmastering services so that he would be able to publish his many findings that he had tried sharing with the Society through the years–only to be rebuffed for thinking he knew more than the Society about anything. And the site e-watchman.com was created and brought online.
I contracted for the work to handle the site and administrate the server in the fall of 2002 and set about putting his letters up on the internet with the hopes that they would get read by people and they could be put to the test in much the same way as my own writings. The response to his writings was so voluminous that he started posting questions that were sent in by people, and also began writing essays and commentaries.
Then, he turned his efforts to a letter writing campaign, sending out thousands of letters to various branches, kingdom halls, and the Watchtower itself, trying to express the magnitude of the NGO issue so that an investigation would take place, or at least acknowledged for what it was. That was enough to get the attention of the Society, of course, but their response was to contact watchman’s local congregation and ask the elders to help him with his “concerns.”
As I recall, the Paradise Cafe was up and running by this time and had really gained a number of members. I had originally envisioned the Cafe as a more pro-Witness board than Pathways was, because watchman’s views were more stringent where the Watchtower organization and Jehovah’s Witnesses were concerned than my own. It would allow Witnesses of a similar opinion to meet together online and encourage one another without constantly having to fend off detractors and opposers. Of course, the whole idea that the Witness organization is about to come into judgment is, in itself, enough to get a person disfellowshipped for suggesting or believing–but there were clearly those who found that it was the only reasonable explanation in light of the Society’s series of errors in judgment, and having a place to talk freely of such matters–candidly and without reprieve simply because it “questions” the Society–was a much-needed necessity, in my estimation. Unfortunately, the Cafe is at a point right now where that “vision” may never be established due to a number of factors affecting participation there. Fortunately, Pathways seems to have been able to provide somewhat of a refuge in the meantime, and I am humbled by how many have expressed their appreciation for this forum.
Still, having drawn the attention of the Society, the issue of having a site like e-watchman became a matter of serious “concern.”
As some of you may already be aware, watchman has now been disfellowshipped because of e-watchman.com and the writings thereof.
As some of you may also know, I have been the webmaster for watchman for the duration of its being online, and acting as administrator for the Cafe.
This has led to continuing discussions with my local elders (since I have never hidden my real name, it wasn’t any work at all to find out who I was). Last year, I had met with the elders and things seemed at that time as though I would get disfellowshipped over my ties with the e-watchman website. Then, strangely enough, the elders decided that there were no grounds for “judicial action” and the matter was dropped.
Then, there was a meeting set up with two elders here at my home on the evening of June 8, 2005. Again, the issue seemed to revolve around my ties to the e-watchman site, and even more so now that watchman had been disfellowshipped. We sat for at least 2 hours going over the situation as they tried to show why it was “scripturally wrong” to be a webmaster for that site. An article from the Watchtower provided the crux of their argument. By the end of that meeting, the one elder said that if I was going to continue working for that site, it sure wouldn’t be as “one of Jehovah’s Witnesses!” Good-byes were said, and the next day I composed a 9-page letter detailing every aspect of their accusations, and then sent that off to them.
The next call came on June 29, this time asking me if I’d like to meet with the brothers at the hall. I said that would be fine, and we finally agreed to meet on July 6, 2005. This time, it was to be three elders–the obvious indicator for the formation of a judicial committee.
That was last night. I met with the elders and a two-hour discussion followed, reiterating their accusations and I tried to address their accusations. However, the end of the discussion left the issue unresolved to their satisfaction.
I was asked to fully cease all publishing of any articles in the future and remove existing ones; to cease working for and remove any and all websites that I am affiliated with–including e-watchman.com, Pathways-Online, Paradise Cafe, and jehovahsjudgment.com (operated by Al). Of course, I would never agree to this, since I do not believe that any site that I am affiliated with conflict with Christian standards and scriptural requirements.
I was told that I left them with no other option except to “put me out of the organization” as an apostate. (I may go into more details of this meeting, detailing and responding to their accusations and false accusations; I really haven’t decided yet, and if I do–it may be something I post as an article.)
In any case, I was told that I have seven days in which to submit an appeal in writing. While I went to the judicial committee with full intention of afterwards appealing their decision, by the end of the meeting it was obvious to me that such an effort would be wasted. So, I will not be appealing their decision to excommunicate me.
Obviously, the Society has in place the rule that Witnesses are not to speak to or have any association with a disfellowshipped individual, and even MORE so one who has been disfellowshipped for apostasy. I will not begrudge anyone who feels it appropriate to follow the Society’s instruction in this, but I would also ask that they withdraw from Pathways, as I will be continuing to post here and it would be inappropriate for them to continue here as a contributor.
I feel that this action by the Society has opened the door for me to return to my writing and to continue searching the Scriptures so as to make sure of all things. So it is very possible that I will be seen far more often now on Pathways and contributing to the discussions. I am not angry or bitter over this, as I understand that they did what they felt they had to do–but neither do I lend my approval or agreement with it. It simply is the way that the system is at this time. To use this opportunity to start in a campaign of hate-mongering and fault-finding would be the gravest mistake I could make. I refuse to do so.
I was especially torn about announcing this to the forum for the reason that I do not wish to be viewed as a “martyr” for the cause–whatever that “cause” might be. I have only sought to do what would leave me in good conscience. I may not agree with everything that is at the e-watchman website, for example, but in good conscience I worked to put watchman’s material online because I may very well be wrong in my thinking–and it’s better to err on the side of caution and make sure that people know about his findings. In my opinion.
I also did not want people to be all the more afraid of the Society because of its “witchhunt” tactics as more and more people become aware of the problems and inconsistencies of the policies and teachings, just because I was disfellowshipped. For me, I have from the very start made my questions, doubts, and scriptural conclusions known to my elders. It was they who never made the time to sit down with me and go through any of that with me–instead, thinking that the solution was to attend more meetings, get out in service more, read more literature–all tactics inherently designed to “busy” me up so that I didn’t have time to study the Bible with such fervor as has driven me since 1998.
I hope that nobody is discouraged at my excommunication. It was a necessary thing, I truly do believe. Ever since 1998, I have tried to operate within the restraints of the organization’s policies and “chain of command,” while trying to maintain a clear Christian conscience in all aspects of worship. I addressed some of that in my series of articles on “Is Leaving the Answer?” But now, I am no longer bound mute by the Society–except where other Witnesses are concerned, and Jehovah will watch over them, no doubt about it.
Jehovah is pleased to see our faith tested, and to see to what extent we cling to the former things. He draws us out as He did Abram from Ur, to live as alien residents, nothing between us and the world at large but our tent of faith–and each other. The family grows by leaps and bounds with every passing day, and every passing day brings us that much closer to the real city we are awaiting according to His promise.
It seems somehow fitting to close this chapter of my spiritual journey by also closing the door on a username that I have used for some 17 years now. As some of you may have already noticed, when I am online, my Christian name, Timothy, is now showing instead of “morloc,” a username I had been known by since long before the days of the internet.
My only hope now is to live up to the wonderful example of a certain young companion of the apostle Paul, a young man named Timothy.
A fellow slave,
Timothy
